YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
Last year, I was surrounded by fellow pageant girls when I heard the news that Miss USA 2019, Cheslie Kryst, passed away. Although many of us knew her through the screen, we will remember her as a light and advocate that changed the world. To many of us, it was like we were losing the big sister we all needed and the role model many of us looked up to.
We won't ever know what happened when Cheslie decided to take her own life. For many of us, it's scary to think about. Terrifying and horrific to picture and impossible to forget. Chelsie shared her journey as Miss USA and shined as a positive and influential advocate. A lawyer from North Carolina, Cheslie established a professional career when winning the coveted Miss USA title and placing in the top 10 at Miss Universe. Kryst was seen as the leader and influencer who broke stereotypes and inspired girls to be trailblazers. Kryst supported social injustices and even joined Extra's team as a correspondent. In simple terms, her legacy is left as life-changing.
As a pageant girl, I look up to women like Cheslie. What impacted me the most was how authentic she was. I remember watching an interview she had with Taylor Swift. What made me smile the most was her comment to Swift saying that she was getting a cat because of Swift's love for them. The authenticity Cheslie brought to the table was refreshing. But, what captivated me the most, was the work she continued to do even after she gave up her title of Miss USA. Her actions were innovative, and her voice was heard globally.
While reading this, you might think of Kryst's success in her short life. Or the happiness she radiated through social media. It would be "impossible" for her to battle mental health issues. But in all reality, success and happiness can't equate to what's going on inside. We will never know how Kryst felt. But, something we can do is help others who feel the same way.
I have done pageants for as long as I can even remember; pageants are my life. The happiness they bring me, the adrenaline I get before completing—all of it. If you think about it, pageantry and life are so similar. The public speaking skills I've obtained, the leadership qualities I've learned, and the ability to make friends. You get it. This similarity is something I don't take lightly. Competing in pageants has given me the vision to impact my generation. That vision will never go away. My friends question me constantly. Why do something that is solely based on the judgment of you? I believe being a title holder in pageantry is something God called me to do, and in the meantime, He is preparing me for it by giving me opportunities to help me grow.
Pageantry is never easy. And if anyone said it was, they're utterly wrong. But what makes it even harder is the mainstream media's impact on pageant girls like me. As with any other 18-year-old, I have social media. We've all been there: hours of scrolling and scrolling—the picture-perfect sunsets, cute and flirty relationships, and "perfect" mental health. Now, picture that 100% worse for girls in the pageant industry. I remember seeing girls with slicked-back straight hair as I looked down at my bumpy hair. I looked at girls, even friends, who had couture gowns costing them a fortune, while I looked at the dress my mom and I picked out together. Those moments made me feel like I would never succeed because I didn't have what it took to be "that girl."
Social media's impact on girls like myself can make or break us. Social media displays title holders' posts with a smile on their faces made me think girls in the industry had to be perfect. So for a while, I pretended to be perfect. Asking my mom to take a picture of me in a new outfit is what I thought I had to win. The impression the media gave me was that success is perfection. When in reality, it's quite the opposite.
In November of 2021, I competed in the biggest pageant in the industry: National American Miss. Through my preparation, there were so many moments of uncertainty. As a senior in high school, I battled the stress of college applications, the stress of the future, and many moments of sadness and heaviness on my shoulders. My mental health was at an all-time low, and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. As someone who has struggled with anxiety, I thought I would be able to handle the pressure during the week. But in reality, my anxiety turned into sadness and worry. The feeling of dread pierced me to my core. I felt incapable of succeeding.
After coming home from Nationals, I felt like I should’ve proved to myself that I could handle the pressure, but instead, I felt like I let myself and others down. But when I realized my mental health is so much more important than becoming successful or even being successful in the eyes of the industry, my mindset started to change. First, I acknowledged that I wasn’t okay and needed to ask for help. Then I started feeling better day after day, as I told myself, “Just ME is enough.” I realized that my worth is not in others' hands, my happiness relies solely on myself, and my journey is not in competition with anyone else. There is room for everyone at the top. Social media became my microphone instead of something I used to compare myself and self-deprecate. I started to look back at my national journey as something God helped me grow through, and now I try my best to only grow as a better competitor and person.
Pageantry is one of the most beautiful industries I’ve witnessed. But one of the most heartbreaking to see is when girls feel like they can’t be genuine or authentic because of the idea the media has given them. It’s one of my biggest goals to normalize mental health in my generation. But, more importantly: right now, I want to normalize mental health in pageantry. I want girls to say, “that title holder went through a lot. But she’s shown me that it’s okay to feel whatever I’m feeling”. I want girls to feel noticed and heard in all seasons. Not just seasons of success and happiness. The reality is there will always be moments of sadness, anxiety, and uncertainty. Let’s start normalizing that it’s okay to feel that way. There’s no such thing as a perfect title holder. It’s called a “real” title holder.
As an advocate, I hope to make even half the impact Cheslie made as a title holder. She believed in the good of others, and I hope you embody that as well. Mental health matters. In pageantry, in life, in everything we do. Your life is valuable, and the ones around you are grateful you exist. While you try your hardest to get up in the morning, I hope you realize you inspire countless others. You matter and are enough by being yourself. It’s time, in this season, you put yourself first. This time I hope you find the courage to love yourself enough, find the motivation to keep going, and believe you are worthy of all the joy you deserve. I hope you know that you are worth fighting for.
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